Joking
by cautiousAlbatross
Summary: Bro's weird jokes are definitely starting to get out of hand. Unless, of course, they're not actually jokes.


It begins with a note. Bro had always liked to be melodramatic, and this was no different. The note itself was short and to the point, and decorated with little heart-shaped stickers. You read it twice, carefully, before crumpling up and nonchalantly throwing it slightly to the left of the trash can. You like to pretend you're too cool to actually throw trash into the can, but in reality, your aim is just too hit and miss (and more often miss than hit). At least your target is slightly larger when you just aim for "anything that isn't the trash can". Of course, Bro hits the can every time. He's mastered the art of casually overcoming the mysterious physical laws that make you continually miss.

Pondering the unfairness of life and trash can physics is, however, just a distraction from the real matter at hand: Bro's note. Crumpled and discarded as the paper might be, you can still picture it as clearly as if you're still holding it in front of you, the words burned indelibly into your brain. You think it would take a small saw and a large quantity of bleach to ever erase them. That aside, a large part of you hopes that it's just his weird sense of humour manifesting itself in a twisted practical joke. Maybe, just maybe, if you play along, you'll both be having a good laugh about this later. Or, more likely, he'll be having a good laugh at your expense.

Well, there's only one way to find out. Taking a deep breath, you stand up, hesitate for a moment, then walk quickly across to Bro's room. You pause with your hand on the handle, hoping with every fibre of your body that this is just a joke, for what feels like an eternity, before tentatively pushing it open.

Almost immediately, you pull the door closed again, slumping down against it and letting out the breath you'd forgotten you were holding. It wasn't a joke. Either that, or it was a really ridiculously elaborate joke, and you weren't sure which would be worse. Whichever it was, there was no way in hell you were prepared for this. This was your brother, wearing all too few clothes and all too many smuppets and no doubt a few other things you really, really didn't want to see. He'd really taken it too far this time. Did this guy even have a limit?

It was a few minutes before you could drag yourself back to your room, and even then, it was only the thought that he might come out looking for you that drove you away. Collapsing face down on your bed, you try to blot out all memory of what you've just seen, and to ignore all the other thoughts racing through your mind. You try to focus on confusion and disgust, but curiosity manages to creep in there somehow, and now you're thinking about what would have happened if you'd stayed. You can feel a blush creeping across your cheeks, and you hate yourself a little for it. God, you're so depraved – and your brother is worse. You doubt you can even begin to consider how much worse he is.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock on your door.

"Go away," you say, your voice muffled by your pillow.

You hear the door opening, and sigh softly. Apparently nothing is going your way today.

"Hey," Bro says, and you feel his weight settling at the end of your bed.

"What do you want?" you grumble into your pillow, trying really, really hard to pretend you're not even a little bit aroused right now.

You pause for a moment, then sit up before he has a chance to reply.

"What- I mean, I don't- I mean, your- You've got to-"

"Hey, hey, breathe a lil," he interrupts.

You nod, closing your eyes and taking a deep, slightly shaky breath.

"I just- Could you please stop with these weird jokes of yours?"

"Weird jokes?" he asks, sounding confused.

You think he's probably frowning, but you still haven't opened your eyes. You nod silently.

"You mean like- You thought I was joking?"

Your eyes snap open and you glare at him, half-hoping this is another stupid joke.

"You thought I was joking," he repeats, shaking his head slightly.

You can feel yourself blushing. The corner of his mouth twitches into a small smile that you half want to punch and half want to kiss, and you can't decide which so you just stare at your hands instead.

"Aw, shit, that's adorable," Bro says, reaching over to ruffle your hair.

"Shut up," you say, and your face feels like all the blood in your body just rushed into it.

"Not a chance in hell."

He leans over, an expression of pure evil on his face, and you're confused for a moment, until he starts to tickle you. You're really, really ticklish – and he knows it. Curling up into a ball, you kick wildly and beg for mercy as loudly as you can.

"Hey, hey, watch it," he says, pinning your arms on either side of your head and straddling your waist, "You coulda had my eye out there."

"Hmph," you say, pouting.

You don't even bother trying to escape – he's a lot stronger than you are, and you know it.

"C'mon, smile," he says.

You just stick your tongue out at him, stubbornly refusing to smile.

"Smi-ile."

Shaking your head emphatically, you clamp your lips together, and force the corners of your mouth down into a mock frown.

"Aw, come on."

You roll your eyes, and shake your head again.

"If I give you a kiss, will ya give me a smile?"

You raise one eyebrow, trying not to look too interested, but don't shake your head either. He grins, then leans down and kisses the tip of your nose. You try not to, but you can't help but smile.

"You're such a dork," you say, still grinning.

"You love me really," he says, smirking.

You open your mouth, a moderately witty retort already half-prepared, but he stops you with a kiss, his lips pressed softly against yours. Without even thinking, you kiss him back. Some small part of your mind notes that his lips are slightly chapped, and he's wearing strawberry lip balm. It smells delicious, but doesn't taste of anything. You always thought scented lip balms were supposed to be flavoured too, but you guess you were wrong. What a waste.

His lips slide gently apart, and his tongue sweeps across your bottom lip, distracting you from your train of thought. You're just getting really into the kiss when he pulls away, and you make a little disappointed noise. The second you hear it, you blush, embarrassed. You don't have much time to dwell on it though, because he's soon kissing along your jaw, and up to the hollow under your ear. You sigh softly as he moves down your neck and along your collarbones, then gasp as he suddenly pulls your shirt up. It gets caught below your armpits, and you have to sit up to pull it off properly, throwing it onto the floor and pulling him into a kiss as soon as you're done.

Gently, he pushes you back against your pillow, his fingers running up your sides, and then resumes kissing your collarbones. He seems intent on kissing every inch of your body, and just the thought is enough to make you shiver in anticipation. As he works his way down your chest, his hands slide down to the waistband of your pants, and you bite your lip. He toys gently with the zipper, licking from the base of your sternum down to your belly button, and you gasp.

You notice your breathing is definitely starting to speed up as he slides your pants – and your underpants with them – down, nearly as far as your knees. He grins up at you, and you think your boner looks almost comical between you, but then he's running his tongue up the side and your eyes are closed and you aren't thinking coherently enough to concentrate on that any more. Almost tenderly, he kisses the tip, and you moan. Slowly, he slides his lips around it, and keeps moving down, until you're sure he must be choking. He only stops when he has the whole thing in his mouth – and holy _fuck_ does that feel fantastic – then slides back up again, leaving a thin film of saliva behind. He pulls back, and you let out a small, disappointed moan.

"Don't stop," you say, pouting.

"Relax," he says, pulling your pants all the way off (along with your socks) and standing up, "Sit tight and I'll be back in a mo."

He disappears, and you draw your knees up to your chest, suddenly feeling a little chilly. You guess you could turn the air con off, but you don't really feel like getting up. Besides, Bro should be back soon, and then you'll definitely be needing it (or so you hope).

He doesn't take so long that you lose your boner, but your whole body is covered in goosebumps by the time he comes back.

"So, hey," he says, sitting down on the bed, and you notice he's holding a bottle of lube and a condom, "You wanna stick with a bj or try something else?"

"What kind of something?" you ask, more than a little suspiciously.

"An anal kind of something," he says, with a shrug and a grin, and you blush.

"Uh, no thanks, I'm good," you say, burying your head in your knees.

"Oh, it doesn't have to be- I mean, obviously you don't have to- But, like, it doesn't have to be _your_ butt, if you get what I mean," he says, and you blush even more.

"Oh," you say, peeking out from behind your knees, "Um... Okay, then. Sure. Why not."

"Sweet," he says, stripping off more quickly than you'd have thought possible.

"So..."

"Here, put this on," he says, chucking you the condom, "I'll sort out... y'know, everything else."

You concentrate on putting the condom on, fumbling slightly, and try to ignore whatever he's doing. You can't help but notice he's extremely flexible.

"Okay, you ready?" he asks, grinning, and you nod, "Lie down, then. That's right, on your back."

You frown, slightly confused, but obey anyway. You guess he has much more of an idea about what he's doing that you do. Closing your eyes, you feel his weight straddling your hips, then gasp as you feel him sliding down onto your dick. Forget about blowjobs, this is where it's at.

"You cool?" he asks, coming to a rest, and you nod, "Cool."

He starts to roll his hips against yours, and you moan, automatically thrusting upwards. He starts to move faster, and it's not much longer before you completely lose control. You barely register the feeling of warm liquid splashing onto your chest, caught up in the heat of your own orgasm.

"Wow," you say, after a moment, as he rolls off of you and collapses onto his back.

"Yep," he agrees.

That was certainly something.


End file.
